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Dr. Cathleen Cahill, |
I got married because I felt it was... kind of a larger sense of community. But more practically, why get married? There's one major issue and one major reason that marriage is a useful thing or a good thing for people, and it's about the kinds of rights we receive in our society, or privileges, for being married. The European social law for countries base it on individual citizenship and the individual's relationship to the state. But in the United States, the way it's been developed and the way it's been structured has a lot to do with your relationship to a person. So a lot of benefits either through the government or through business (your insurance, say) are connected to your partner only if you have a marriage relationship. So if you're in a relationship, either a single-sex relationship or a heterosexual relationship, and you're not married, there are a number of things that you are excluded from or that you don't have access to because of the way the system has been structured which very much privileges marriage. So, to protect yourself, marriage is still a good idea. ~ Cathleen Cahill, Ph.D |
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Anne: When you get married, are you looking at "forever"? Nidhi: Yes, definitely. Anant: Yes, that's the most important piece. Anne: And is that something you as a couple looked at it, or is that something that you imagine is the way people who marry look at it? Nidhi: Most people do look at it like that. Anne: Is there divorce? Nidhi: There is. Anant: There's a high rate of divorce nowadays. Nidhi: For us it's quite high, it's unheard of in our parents' generation and stuff like that but it is quite high now. Anant: ...At our age, mid20s, people are getting married and divorced within three months rather than three years, and they'll be in love marriage or arranged marriage. Because I guess what's happening is more and more expectations are rising nowadays, people are expecting too much out of each other now. Nidhi: I keep saying that earlier the woman used to compromise, because they weren't as educated. In India, women weren't as educated earlier so I believe they should compromise much more. And today, they are educated, they have a mind of their own, they're more liberated. So I guess that's part of the reason why the divorce rate is so high but it's a good thing, at least they know what they want. Anant: Yeah, instead of compromising through all their life and then thinking, "Why didn't I do this maybe 15 years back...?" Nidhi: And then having children, and then divorce... Anant: Yeah, having children is the worst. If you don't like each other then don't have a child, and then why spoil the child's life? ~ Nidhi and Anant, |
Nidhi and Anant, |
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Ricky Vinnay and Brad Braden, |
We've been together about 15 years now, and what's profoundly clear to [me] is that who we are today and what we have in our life today bears no almost no similarity to who what we had and who we were when we met. And there were very clear points in our relationship where I could see that had, as Rick said, one of us chosen or decided that this path wasn't going to work for us, so the key was being willing to give and compromise and learn from each other because we've both been teachers and students for each other on paths that we didn't even know where we were going. So it's surrendering this attachment to what it needs to look like. ~ Ricky Vinnay and Brad Braden, |
I think that marriage is an institution, it's an important component of society as a whole.... What's the important unit in society? It's the family. I know it's more and more common today that we meet quite a few who don't plan to have children, which to us is astonishing. I don't see the point of being married or how you keep interested in your later years if you haven't got children or grandchildren. Just like you need family... aunts and uncles and cousins and grandfathers and grandmothers are very important in a marriage... in a relationship. ~ John and Jane Crosbie, |
John, married to Jane in 1952 |
